Sometimes sexual intercourse is conditioned by certain fears . These are fears that vary slightly between men and women. Laura Hermoso, a sexologist at SexPlace.es , explains to CuídatePlus that “among the most common in women is the fear of not using a condom by the couple or everything related to venereal diseases . Secondly, the fear of the physical, of not liking or not understanding the limits , stands out in women ”.
On the part of men , however, fears do not focus so much on the physical part, but on not “measuring up” in bed. Problems such as premature ejaculation , that the couple does not reach orgasm or that they think that they do not meet expectations.
What is sexual intelligence?
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Sexual fears change with age depending on the maturity of both men and women. As you mature, most fears disappear because you are gaining self-confidence.
“There is a concept called ‘ sexual intelligence ‘ and that, precisely, is acquired over the years and has to do with knowing oneself and others sexually . What is expected and what one is capable of giving. It has a lot to do with the maturity of each one and this is only gained with the passage of time. Older people have more sexual intelligence, ”Hermoso describes.
Also, fears do not go away with a stable partner in the short term. They are always kept, however, they are surpassed as sexual intelligence develops with maturity. In men they disappear earlier, but women are more conducive to developing more fears or maintaining those they already have.
Fear of not reaching orgasm, pregnancy, gymnophobia …
That the couple does not reach orgasm is on the list of fears for both women and men, why? “Women always have more pressure than men. They are more empathetic. Women do tend to think more about sexual failure. On the other hand, men do not have as much pressure regarding orgasm. Many of them do not know when the woman pretends it. In fact, according to our data, more than 90% of women have faked an orgasm with their partner without having confessed it, “says the expert from SexPlace.es.
“Without a doubt, unwanted pregnancy worries women much more than men. It is one of the biggest concerns among them, while in them it does not appear among the top 10 concerns. Selfishly, it directly affects women, ”says Hermoso.
By contrast, venereal disease is a fear that affects both men and women almost equally. However, according to the sexologist, “women are more aware of this and are the ones who have to remember the use of condoms the most. Today there is a lot of awareness about this risk, but men defend that they do not feel the same experience with and without condoms. ”
Gymnophobia, or fear of nudity, affects women more and especially at younger ages. 70% of the women consulted by SexPlace.es confess that, on occasions, they fear being naked before sexual intercourse. Many admit asking to turn off the light or dim it just enough so that their body is not visible. This fear especially affects women between 18 and 35 years old.
“Here we return again to the maturation process of the person, the so-called sexual intelligence. Gymnophobia is more rare in women over 50 years of age. Modesty is still a lack of self-confidence and is only resolved with maturation and self-confidence, ”says Hermoso.
Is there fear of Covid-19 infection?
In the words of the expert in sexology, the current situation of a coronavirus pandemic certainly influences the fear of sexual relations. However, once the confinement is lifted those fears will disappear quickly, especially among young people.
“In the case of sexually stable couples, they are not afraid of any kind, since they know each other’s situation and habits. However, for occasional sexual intercourse it will be a problem, ”says Hermoso.
How to deal with each of those fears that surround sex
For the sexologist, “without wishing to be very repetitive, the best way to face fears is with sexual intelligence. Knowing yourself, knowing what each one likes and being very understanding and respectful of the likes, fears and limits of other people ”.
From SexPlace.es 10 keys to work on sexual intelligence stand out:
Talk naturally about sex: communication with the partner about sex is essential and helps to understand.
Self-knowledge: being satisfied with oneself, discovering one’s own sex and what one may or may not like.
Tolerating the sexual expression of others: respecting the likes of others. Understand that everyone can enjoy these tastes regardless of whether they are the same or not.
Do not be ashamed of our body: understand that the body evolves, ages, and therefore should not make us feel bad.
Discovering what is sexually satisfying: discovering what we like best and not being afraid to speak it.
Practicing safe sex: having the confidence of being able to practice sex freely and safely, avoiding putting ourselves at risk.
Know the limits: what is desired and what is not, sexually speaking.
Sex education: knowing the body and eliminating myths, taboos.
Willing to improve: always be open to evolve, to know more and better and thus be able to improve sexual habits.
Enjoy both your body and that of your partner: sex is for living and enjoying it in a healthy way.
